God twitters Creation

Most of my family has been abed with the plague (aka "flu-like symptoms"), so there's not much news here. However, I found this in my fevered perusing today, and it amused me no end. Too good not to share.

God Twitters Creation

God: Gosh its dark in here.
7 days ago

God: There thats better.
7 days ago

God: Hey guys im finally on twitter! Whats up?
7 days ago

God: guys?
7 days ago

God: oh right. i’m the only thing in existence, haha.
7 days ago

God: shut up i wasnt talking 2 you RT @Satan I TOO EXIST
7 days ago

God: BOOORREEDD with endless void gonna make some stuff
7 days ago

*********

Read the rest here. What a hoot!

EpiscoNinjas!

Sick

I am a Christian.

This means that I believe in God in all those complicated, messy, Triune forms. All that Nicene Creed stuff? Yes, all of it-- without crossing my fingers even once. I try to be a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ. I fall way short of perfection, but I'm glad to keep plugging away.

I know-- you've already figured that out, yes? This is not shocking news.

But this is:

Churches involved in torture, murder of thousands of African children denounced as witches

The idea of witchcraft is hardly new, but it has taken on new life recently partly because of a rapid growth in evangelical Christianity. Campaigners against the practice say around 15,000 children have been accused in two of Nigeria's 36 states over the past decade and around 1,000 have been murdered. In the past month alone, three Nigerian children accused of witchcraft were killed and another three were set on fire...

I am angered and ashamed beyond words of the evil done by purported Christians-- those "brothers" and "sisters" enmeshed in a warped, manipulative "discipleship" that has nothing to do with following the Prince of Peace.

There's a scar above Jane's shy smile: her mother tried to saw off the top of her skull after a pastor denounced her and repeated exorcisms costing a total of $60 didn't cure her of witchcraft. Mary, 15, is just beginning to think about boys and how they will look at the scar tissue on her face caused when her mother doused her in caustic soda. Twelve-year-old Rachel dreamed of being a banker but instead was chained up by her pastor, starved and beaten with sticks repeatedly; her uncle paid him $60 for the exorcism.

Israel's cousin tried to bury him alive, Nwaekwa's father drove a nail through her head, and sweet-tempered Jerry — all knees, elbows and toothy grin — was beaten by his pastor, starved, made to eat cement and then set on fire by his father as his pastor's wife cheered it on.

The children at the home run by Itauma's organization have been mutilated as casually as the praying mantises they play with.

So, all you eager schismatics-- tell me again how "Global South" Christianity is somehow more faithful, more vibrant, more aligned with the Gospel than what we practice in mainline America.

Go ahead-- just try.

Evensong...

And another of Susan Werner's songs, from the same album. Good stuff, this.



I Will Have My Portion

And some would say
That time has passed me by
And some would say
That the wells have all run dry
Some would say
That's how its meant to be
So some would say
But I beg to disagree

Cause I know good fortune waits for me somewhere
I will have my portion I will have my share
I'll keep my feet in motion til they carry me there
I will have my portion I will have my share

Cause I do believe
There's a harvest in the field
I do believe
There's truth to be revealed
I do believe
There's treasure to be found
And I do believe
There's enough to go around

I know good fortune waits for me somewhere
I will have my portion I will have my share
I'll keep my feet in motion til they carry me there
I will have my portion I will have my share

Cause somewhere there's a blessing and it bears my name
and soon or late, it's coming to me just the same
Can't wait to see
What's set aside for me
With every new sunrise
I'm gonna keep my eyes wide open

Song of the day

Forgiveness – Susan Werner

How do you love those who never will love you,
Who are happy to shove you out in front of the train?
How do you not hate those who would leave you lie bleeding
While they hold their prayer meeting?

How do you love those who never will love you,
Who are so frightened of you they are calling for war?
How do you not hate those who have loaded their Bibles
And armed their disciples? 'cuz I don't know anymore.

And I can't find forgiveness for them anywhere in this
And with God as my witness I really have tried.
How do you love those who never will love you?
I think only God knows and he is not taking sides.
I hope one day he shows us how we can love those
Who never will love us but who still we must love.
How do you love those?

Creating God in one's own image

Of all the misguided idiocy...

It seems that the grand tradition of trying to edit out the uncomfortable bits of Scripture continues. The Conservative Bible Project proposes to "eliminate liberal bias" by offering a "fully conservative translation of the Bible" which satisfies the following ten guidelines:

Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias.

Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity.

Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level.

Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop; defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle."

Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots;" using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census.

Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning.

Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story (cf John 7:53-8:11).

Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels.

Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities.

So, what's next? Apparently Unmasking Liberal Falsehoods, like Jesus' plea (Luke 23:34) to forgive his executioners "for they know not what they do:"

Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.

I cannot even begin to tell you how many ways my heresy meter is jangling just now. The teachings of Jesus are often unpalatable; but isn't that the point? How can they do this and still claim to be Christian?

Take me out to the ball game...

Now, this is the kind of Middle East Invasion I can support.

BAGHDAD — Smiles broke out earlier this week as members of the Iraqi national baseball team tore into boxes filled with brand-new uniforms, courtesy of a Seattle-based company that donated the gear after a profile of the fledgling team by McClatchy and a national appeal by MSNBC.

Six of the team members examined every detail of their new Ebbets Field Flannels duds Tuesday: blue caps printed with Iraqi flags, custom-made jerseys with "Iraq" on the backs, gray pants and old-school stirrup socks.

"I never dreamed we'd have something like this," said Bashar al Salah, the team's captain. "Now we're a real baseball team

Props to The Lead for sharing this.

Military Transient Care

My buddy Mark is now a full-time Air Force chaplain, currently serving at a major military hub in "Southwest Asia" -- a staging area for many servicemen and women as they move to and from duty stations throughout what the rest of us call the Middle East. The chaplains there try to maintain a supply of travel-size toiletries (shampoo, toothbrush & paste, deodorant, etc.) and other useful items for these service members, many of whom are “in transition” for days with little or no access to their own personal belongings.

This is where you come in. Think about all those little unused bottles you bring home from business trips and vacations... here's a way to put them to work. Of course, if you are able, you might also buy a few extra things to contribute as well; they are available at most grocery or department stores.

Especially helpful items include (but are not limited to)...

• Tooth paste
• Toothbrush
• Toothbrush holders
• Dental floss
• Shampoo/conditioner
• Styling gel/mousse
• Deodorant
• Disposable razors
• Contact lens solution
• Skin cream/lotion
• Shaving cream
• Lip balm
• Hand gel/sanitizer
• Cards/note paper
• Envelopes
• Pens
• White tube socks
• Foot powder
• Coffee (ground, not whole bean)
• Gum

If this sounds a lot like a list of necessities at a homeless shelter, you're not too far off. I'm told the living conditions for transients there are not too awfully different. Except a whole lot hotter.

*****************

Top 10 Shipping Suggestions

• 1.Use “Priority Mail Flat Rate” boxes, available at the Post Office. The large size (12”x 12” x 5 1/2”) will be given a discounted shipping rate when sent to APO/FPO addresses (this is true whether or not it is pre-marked as a special APO/FPO box. What matters is the destination address).
• 2.Collect liquid items together in Ziploc bags (1-2 extra-large bags for all of them will usually do) to prevent spillage during shipment.
• 3.Add packing material as needed to ensure all items fit snugly and do not rattle around.
• 4.Put a note inside, to let the chaplains know who you are and where the box came from.
• 5. Seal the box with packing tape.
• 6.Say a prayer for those who will receive it, and for those whom they serve in turn.
• 7.Address the box as follows. DO NOT USE ANY OTHER DESIGNATION. Noting the country or using any other information confuses the Customs people, and the box may be delayed or not delivered at all.

Jack’s Place Transient Ministry
379 AEW/HC
APO AE 09309

• 8. Complete a US Customs form to accompany each box (the people at the post office can help with this, if it is confusing).
• 9. Take box and Customs form to the Post Office and send it on its way.
• 10.Take an empty box back with you, and begin again!

Baptism by Football

When I saw this article, I immediately thought of Rev. Ref+, of course. Faith and football are integral with that boy. That said, I'm purely certain he would not be party to this sort of conscription. We don't play the game that way.

The parents of a 16-year-old Kentucky football player who was baptized along with some teammates during a trip organized by their coach said Tuesday they believe their son may have felt some pressure to go through with the ceremony.

Parents said the voluntary trip was organized by Breckinridge County High School football coach Scott Mooney, who is a member of the Baptist church where the revival was held Aug. 26.

Dannie Ammons told The Associated Press he had no idea his son, Robert Coffey, was being taken to a church in another county on a school bus. The teen told them he was going to see a motivational speaker. Eight or nine other players were baptized at Franklin Crossroads Baptist Church, he said.

(Props to the GetReligionistas)